September Beckons

It’s only a few short days until the end of the summer. Labor Day is peeking her spiky head around the corner – much to everyone’s dissapointment. What will the fall bring? More evenings out in the cool October and November weather. A birthday – which gets me thinking…

I recently saw the series finale of Six Feet Under. Now, I’ll be honest this was not a show I religiously watched. My parents were obssessed and would be situated infront of the TV with their dinner on trays ready for each episode that featured the Fishers and the people that came in and out of their lives. I would always go up stairs to a different TV waiting patiently for the hour to be up so that I could go back to lying by my mom so she could play with my hair. But this night was different – I was a bit late, but caught a lot of the episode, especially the end which haunted me. First it was the song: Breathe Me by Sia. I immediately downloaded the song on my ipod. It might be the music or maybe the lyrics – but it just echoed through me… then there was Claire.

Claire was driving to an unknown life – she was taking a huge risk to go to NYC when she knew a job wasn’t waiting there for her. She was going balls-to-the-wall. Taking a risk. It shouldn’t have surpised me that they ended the show by showing all their deaths, but there I was watching eagerly. Claire was the last to go having lived a full and long life. Each of the Fishers (granted not Nate) lived long – but the thing that always got me was that no matter where they went or what they did they all ended up the same way. That perhaps was the most haunting – realizing that life is so F’in short. I constantly think about whether or not what I am doing with my life will enable me to say, “Yes, Margaux, you did all you could. You lived full.” Some days I do think that… but…

But still I feel sometimes that I’ve picked the “safe life”. I work at the high school I went to – and don’t get me wrong, I do not think my job is easy – but I keep thinking to myself how freakin’ easy it was to get it. Life can’t be THAT easy… can it? I feel sometimes that I need to just jump in a car and drive away – just like Claire. Maybe everyone feels this way at some point. It’s a “fork-in-the-road” moment. Do or die. (no pun intended) What do these choices at those crucial moments tell us about ourselves? That we are weak? Brave? And which one is the weaker/braver one – the one who goes or stays? And then there’s Faith. That 5 letter word that is just as illustrious as that 4 letter word.

So I believe that where ever I go and what ever I do is meant to be…

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